Wine doesn't go with chocolates!

This is not the first or last time I'll say this: the whole idea of pairing wine with chocolate is a myth, perpetuated by the wine industry as a way to stay in consumers' minds.

In almost all circumstances, wine and chocolate are a terrible match. The reason is simple: most chocolate is sweet, and will make dry wines taste sour.

The wine world is full of "yeah, buts ...", so this is for you: if you're planning to give your sweetie a bar of plain 87% cacao chocolate for Valentine's Day, that would go pretty well with Port, vin santo, or most sweet wines. You're so romantic!

But filled chocolates, the kind that come in those pretty heart boxes? They're a nightmare for wine pairing. They simply do not go with wine, and there's no reason why they should.

But, but ... all the wineries I visit tell me this Merlot or that Zin goes with chocolate? Are they lying to me?

Well, um, yes. Most people who visit tasting rooms are not tasting their first wine of the day and their palate is compromised. But they can still taste sweet stuff. Put a chockie in their mouths and they're putty in your hands. This is one thing wineries talk about when they have seminars on increasing sales in tasting rooms.

I understand why there are so many stories on this topic every year. Editors need something to assign. Writers need something to write about. February is pretty dull. Though it would be more useful, who wants to write (or read) about wine pairings with in-season root vegetables?

So Valentine's Day wine-and-chocolate is one of those perennial wine stories, like pink wines in spring and crisp whites in summer and hearty reds in fall. Unlike those others, though, it's an old wives' tale that won't go away. But there's always hope -- remember when food writers regularly recommended substituting margarine for butter because it was so much healthier?

You want something romantic for V-Day? Nothing beats pink bubbly. In this economy, I'm a big fan of Cremant de Bourgogne, sparkling wine made from Pinot Noir and Chardonnay in the traditional method, but cheaper because it's from Burgundy instead of Champagne. Think about it -- Burgundy is acknowledged as a world leader in still wines made from those grapes. Think they don't have a few good ones to pick early for bubbly?

The Louis Bouillot Cremant de Bourgogne Rose is widely available, $14 at K&L Wine Merchants. It's delicious and very affordable. And it's French, so it sounds romantic.

If you want to buy something domestic and romantic, Schramsberg is one of my favorite U.S. bubbly makers. Their 2005 Brut Rose is $41 but well worth it. Sometimes it helps your cause if you spend a little more. Tell your sweetie that Schramsberg has been served at the White House by every administration since Reagan, and it might be what Barack and Michelle enjoy on Saturday. (BTW, guys, when are you getting the kids that puppy you promised them? If you make them wait until the economy improves you might no longer have the big White House lawn for a puppy to romp on.)

So here's what you do: open the pink bubbly. Chat, snuggle. Do what, you know, you were hoping to do.

Then eat those yummy sweet filled chocolates. When the bubbly's gone, and you need a sugar rush. The perfect ending to a perfect evening -- especially as you didn't ruin your 10-year-old Cabernet with a Turtle Chew.