George W. Bush's greatest achievements

With President George W. Bush about to leave office, I thought I'd pause from commenting on wine to praise him for his greatest accomplishments while in office.

Here's my list, though I may have forgotten a few. Please feel free to supplement.

*) On perhaps the worst day in this nation's history, and certainly the nation's worst day of his administration, President Bush heroically calmed an entire classroom full of schoolchildren by listening to them read "The Pet Goat."

*) Subsequently, President Bush used his charm and political skills to prevent Dick Cheney from launching a costly invasion of his most hated enemy -- France.

*) President Bush helped Al Jazeera establish itself as a worldwide brand, particularly with his refusal to cancel one of that network's most important sources of exclusive content, Osama bin Laden.

*) By renaming fried potatoes as "Freedom Fries," President Bush stimulated the economy, particularly for businesses engaged in making plastic menu signs for small restaurants.

*) Even with Condoleezza Rice obviously available, President Bush did not engage in extramarital sex while in office. Or if he did, he was Presidential enough to not get caught.

*) President Bush stimulated scientific research for our allies in the European Union with his stance on stem-cell research.

*) Next to prostitution, torture is one of mankind's oldest professions, but the industry had really fallen on hard times until it was restored to respectability by President Bush. Now a whole new generation worldwide is taking the training they need to introduce new methods, perhaps to patriotic members of our own military!

*) President Bush stimulated the shoe industry worldwide by creating interest in a new model.

*) Without President Bush, we probably wouldn't have President-elect Obama.

*) Perhaps most important of all, eight years of President Bush proved that this great nation is strong enough to survive anything at all.